Just a video. I was looking for John Green quotes on Google images and I clicked on the video and the song came up and the tears fell down. There were quotes I’d forgotten, quotes that stirred something inside of me so when I think of them tears brim and I blink and they’re gone. There is such beauty in the stories he tells and the way in which he tells them. Looking for Alaska changed my life. All good books should.
I remember when I first read it. It was the same night I became a Nerdfighter and because I was reminded of how good of a writer John was through the videos, I went to the library and got it. I flipped to the title page and saw: ‘Best wishes! J scribble”. Yes. John Green had signed the copy of the book I was borrowing from the library.
This copy didn’t have the spoiler in the summary on the inside cover page. I’d seen the book, maybe a year before, and I hadn’t read it because it mentioned something about suicide on the back. It didn’t say anything about that on this copy, though, so I figured it’d been another book.
And I read about 75 percent of it that night in the privacy of the area between my matress and my covers. And yes, what happened might have been suicide. I wasn’t sure why they would spoil such a large part of the book and part of what Pudge, the main character, needs to experience in order to learn, but either way I was changed.
And I read it again. I bought it from the store, I highlighted quotes and underlined what I thought was important. But just now, looking at that video with those quotes, I broke all over again.
But no, I did not break again. I just reminded myself that I was broken. We are all broken, and Looking for Alaska shows that. I am broken. You are broken. He is broken. She is broken.
We are broken, and we break so our pieces can fit with the pieces of others. We break so we can love.