There are times when I feel like the world is falling on top of me, not for any one big reason but for a bunch of small ones. Today in English class, my one refuge from all things crazy, I felt like that and I wasn’t sure why.
First it was because I had these weird pangs of pain that was basically a migraine starting and I thought it was fatal. That’s not a joke. There was this one second where fear gripped me and then I shook myself out of it. There’d only been two pains, but it was just weird.
Then because of the headache I was tired and sensitive to sound, but my two best friends got me laughing and the pain was gone, so I figure it must have been stress-related. Things have been pretty easy in my math class lately because of some testing, but then all of this work I can’t really do has just been dumped upon us and it makes me feel like screaming.
I could have ridden off my bad mood due to hormones, but it was really just me being frustrated that I didn’t get something. Thinking about the homework I attempted to do makes my stomach feel weird. It’s not a big deal, but when I don’t understand something it’s really frustrating to me.
English was pretty great aside from that though. One of my friends is really insightful and our discussions never cease to be enteratining and thought-provoking. That really cheered me up, as did my teacher who made connections between a student and a television character. My teacher is the smartest person I know, and funny in her own sort of way. That sounded derogatory. It wasn’t. It was a positive.
Whenever I feel like the world’s broken and nothing can be fixed, I think back to the end of Looking for Alaska, because my life always ties to that book.
“When adults say, “Teenagers think they are invincible” with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don’t know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.”